The Heroes of Tolmurr
The Saga of Fargrim, part 3
Fargrim sits in a tavern talking to a middle aged Halfling. Fargrim has not noticed that the Halfling passed out 20 minutes ago.
“So I’ve been back in Milton for a day and it’s like I never left! Allow me to tell you about my day: We’d just arrived from Cunston with a lot of refugees who we’re turning into an army to defend Tolmurr from the Shangrilalalan Army. Yeah, that’s a thing now. So we’re in the townsquare and Nils (my half-dwarf friend) starts babbling on about these non alcoholic spirits. Then, unexpectedly, members of the inquisition show up! They all seem like a bunch of cunts because they started hassling Nils. I tried to explain to them that he’s not a ‘her-eh-tick’ but just a half dwarf. Then, the blighter starts a row with me because I called him a half dwarf (talk about being in denial). Anyway, one thing led to another and Nils and I started a wee bit of a brawl (that’s his Dwarven half right there!) and the inquisition buggers left us alone. Then, we ended up at this tavern and had a few. Nils and I ended up passed out at the table but Kuvira scored big time! She had some of that Orcish swill (to call it alcohol is an insult to alcohol) and then some Half Orc let her stay in his room! She must have helped him rearrange some furniture because there was an awful lot of pounding on the floorboards – I thought the roof was going to cave in!.
The next day we woke up and I came across an old friend: Riswynn Warbaker. She’s an up and coming Dwarven baker-smith. She also seems to be into those same non-alcoholic spirits as Nils, but I won’t hold that against her. She seemed to get along with him and has agreed to hang out with me for a while. I’m glad about this, she was an old childhood friend. She was also my first blushes….opponent in the fighting arena giggles.
Anyway I got some breakfast (apparently storekeepers will just give me stuff if I say that I really like their store really loud) and then headed to meet with the mayor – he and I go way back. He even gave me the keys to the town once! His gnome butler reckoned I needed an appointment but I helped him out – he must have been new and didn’t fully know who I was (I was the ringbearer at the mayor’s wedding! – that little kid didn’t know what they were doing). So we walked in and kind of interrupted the mayor and his husband (definitely his husband and not his whore – I checked!). They seemed embarrassed that we saw them naked, but when I offered to get naked too so it wasn’t awkward, they got mad shrugs. Anyway, they gave us permission to keep our army on their lawn and said they’d introduce us to the local Lord. They didn’t seem to like the idea of giving me command of the town’s forces, but that’s okay. Also they said that they would consider paying us for their defense!
Next, we needed food for our army so we headed to the Baker’s Guild. Once again, my fame and self esteem got us through the door and in a meeting with the head of the guild beams. The guild agreed to feed our army for a month and then longer if we started paying. Apparently we now owe them a favour, but that seems fair. The guild leader also agreed to give me a loan! I sweetened the deal by offering to occasionally use “Milton Baker’s Guild” as my warcry instead of my name. They’ve given me 1000gp to buy a Giant Boar Mount with Chainmail Barding. I am SO EXCITED. Now I just owe them part of my 1500gp debt by the end of the month. I’m sure they’ll accept an IOU.
Speaking of boar, it’s about time to go collect her. Goodbye!"